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My life was stolen, my dreams were killed

Imagine a pretty little princess used to high society life in top hotels, who at the age of three no longer has the right to say "Daddy" to her biological father, but has to call him "Mister" instead.

Daddy, my step father, was the lived with my Mum. My biological father was her lover, whose career, fortune and reputation we had to protect.

I was born in between 4 abortions.

Until the age of 20, twice over I lived a double life – living between two different families at once. One family was official and the other was unofficial.

And this second family was in a permanent state of war with verbal and physical violence. My mother was physically battered by her last lover and companion, who had a brilliant career, but was also an alcoholic.

A deadly life

In these circumstances throughout my short existence I managed to escape being murdered five times by those close to me in my family.

Growing up in a family context where everything seemed easy, money flowed like water and at the same time where nothing made sense.

-At the age of 5 I realised that there was something very wrong with my family

-At 10, I chose not to live the same kind of life as my parents

-At 13, I read Gandhi and reflected on how best to live

-At 16, I called my first psychiatrist for help.

Trying out a number of different therapies, for years I tried to heal myself, unfortunately without success. I didn’t understand why.

You just have to put up with it

From the age of 13 I started a process of healing which lasted until I was 39. I followed a path which was dear to me and enriched me in order to understand and accept my past and in order to grow and develop. The message I continually heard was: “You just have to put up with it”. Me, I was just surviving. In order to really live, it is absolutely necessary to be healed.

26 years of perseverance and patient work allowed me to pass through a major part of my suffering. I was determined to find a way out of my dysfunctional ways of being  - firmly resolved to find a solution. I refused to accept that the nightmares of my childhood would follow me all my days. I want to be happy! Why am I alive, in spite of all of what I lived through? Only God knows!

Last try before killing myself

After years of looking for solutions I found SAS. For me it was the last try before killing myself! At SAS I found the revelation that it was possible for me to be healed after all. Following through the various stages suggested at SAS I have found: a strong inner unity, I am aware that I quite simply am, that I therefore exist and so finally I know who I am myself!  Personally my Ariadne’s thread has always been my desire for happiness and to be able to live a happy life.

Eva Graham*



*not her real name.

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